Thursday, July 21, 2016

A Letter to My Husband



Jonathan,

Our world is going to be completely changed at any given moment as we anxiously await Emma's arrival and lately I'm feeling more thankful than ever to God for bringing us together.

I don't claim to have it all figured out and I know you don't, but you are so incredibly prepared to become a daddy despite all the unknowns. You are fearless. Life as we know it is about to be turned upside down and you are so ready and willing to face everything that entails with so much confidence and excitement that I know for certain I couldn't have found a more perfect person to spend my life with -- to raise a family with.

Our journey to get pregnant didn't go quite like we thought it would when we started out, yet during that time, so many of your special qualities shined through only making me more excited to one day see you become a father. We couldn't have predicted how long it would take and we certainly wouldn't have predicted the heartbreak we would experience in the meantime, but we grew in our faith together during that time and I couldn't count the times I thanked God for your patience, strength and unwavering faith.

One of my favorite things about you is that that you are completely yourself no matter the circumstance. You say what's on your mind and you do what comes naturally without thinking of what people will think or what someone might say. Sometimes that means I'm shaking my head because you said or did something totally goofy or embarrassing, but this is one thing I would never change about you. You are so genuine and unapologetically you and I pray to God that Emma gets this quality from you.

You are the hardest working person I know and what's even more remarkable is your attitude toward the work you do. Despite the long hours you put in or the stress you're under, you never lose your focus, motivation and genuinely positive attitude. You're constantly striving to improve, grow and find new ways to challenge yourself. Everything you're doing and everything you've done has helped set us up for all our dreams to come true. You're providing for our family and giving me the greatest gift by making it so that I can be home with our sweet baby girl. You never stop thinking about what's best for our family and I'm truly proud and blessed to have such a strong, supportive and hardworking man to share my life with. Our children will learn these values from you by the example you set and I am so thankful for that.

We've talked a lot about how lucky we've been in that I've had such a relatively easy pregnancy for me. You tell me you brag to everyone about how we haven't skipped a beat - how being pregnant hasn't made me act any differently and you've had it so easy. All I can say is that you give me so much grace which I'm thankful for. Even I can admit I've been a little moody and perhaps hard to deal with at times, but you somehow are blind to all of that. So blind to it that I have to laugh because even I don't understand how you see me in such a perfect light. I do agree that I've been extremely lucky and pregnancy has overall been a joy for me but it has a lot to do with the support and love that I feel from you.

A while back you jokingly asked if I was going to forget all about you once the baby came. I, of course, said "never." I told you we're the reason for all of this. The life we're building - the cat, the dog, the baby and future babies - it's all because we were brought together and these are all extensions of us and this incredible love we have. Our children will grow up seeing how much their parents love each other. They'll grow up seeing what a healthy relationship is and should be. They'll watch as we work as a team, laugh at ourselves, build each other up, pray for each other and for others and they will know without a doubt that their parents are madly in love.

Knowing that Emma could arrive any day now, I've been reflecting a lot on the past several months because somehow it feels like this pregnancy has lasted forever but also flew by at the same time. We'll never be first time parents ever again and there are things about the last several months I don't ever want to forget.

I don't want to forget the first time you felt Emma kick. It was just before 6 a.m. and as we hit the snooze on our alarms like we always do, you rolled over and put your arm around my waist like you always do and there it was. An unmistakable kick and you got so excited and I was so excited for you to finally feel what I'd been feeling. I didn't want that moment to end. Since then, there have been countless kicks and somersaults you've been there to feel and every one of them has been such a joy for me to experience with you.

I don't ever want to forget all of our daydreaming about what Emma will be like and what life will look like once she's here. Me telling you I hope she has your eyelashes and your laugh. You telling me you hope she has my blue eyes and my sweetness. You arguing your case why Emma should sleep next to your side of the bed because you want to get to her first in the middle of the night. The comfort I feel knowing that even through the exhaustion, the hormones, the frustration or not so joyful moments we may face as new parents, I will be able to count on your patience, sense of humor and "it's all going to be okay" attitude to give me whatever I need in the moment to make it better.

I don't ever want to forget how you wanted to build Emma's crib and I laughed saying maybe a less crucial piece of furniture like a bookshelf would be a better place to start. I don't want to forget the moments you've shown me more patience, grace and love than I could ever need. I've been uncomfortable, emotional, exhausted and at times, completely irrational but no matter which of those it was, you've given me nothing but love and done whatever you could to make it better. There hasn't been a day since I met you where I didn't feel loved by you, but through this pregnancy I have felt your love and support so intensely. I'm so grateful.

I don't ever want to forget the calm and simple state of our life right now. We will get into a new routine and we'll love that, too, but this simple time where it's just us and a cat and dog is running out and I'm trying to soak it in before it's gone for good.

Soon, very soon, all of the things we've been day dreaming about are going to be happening. I won't need to imagine how strong and supportive you will be during labor because we'll living it. I won't need to think about what an incredible father you're going to be because I'll be in awe as I watch you live it. We won't need to make predictions about what Emma will be like because in no time she'll be a part of our lives as if she'd always been and we'll be soaking in every little thing about her.

When we first started dating, we made a promise to each other to always lift each other up; to always be positive for each other. I think we've both held up our end of the deal and as we prepare to become parents in a few days, I'm thankful we can always count on each other for that. We are blessed beyond belief to be living our dream together and I can't wait to experience what's next with you.

Love,
Me

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