Thursday, March 3, 2016

The one where we found out we were pregnant



We have our 19 week ultrasound today and I am just a wee bit excited. We haven't gotten a peek at our girl since week 12 which feels like a lifetime ago, so I am really looking forward to 4:00 this afternoon. 

To celebrate almost being halfway through this awesome journey, I thought I'd share the sweet story of how we found out we were pregnant. I always love reading these and I know I'll love looking back on this. 

By the time October came around, I was feeling a little discouraged and if I'm being honest, a little frustrated. I remember telling Jonathan at the beginning of the month that I wanted to take the month off -- not from trying to get pregnant, just from trying so hard to get pregnant. I told him I was out of ovulation sticks and didn't plan on buying any this month. I didn't want to pee on a stick to find out my peak fertility days and I didn't want to open the app on my phone that estimates my fertile window. I wanted a break from trying to control and plan it all. He was completely on board and we went about our business not thinking about it all so much.

As we entered November I was pretty much expecting to be right on schedule as usual and I was okay with it. I was glad we took a break from all that the month before because I needed it and I was okay with the fact that it meant we probably didn't get pregnant in October.

You can imagine my incredibly pleasant surprise when on November 18th, we cried the happiest tears over a positive pregnancy test. It was the day I tried to resist telling Jonathan I think and hope we might be pregnant but couldn't help it and when he told me he felt the same way, I closed my eyes at my desk and silently prayed we were both right this time. It was the day I proceeded to stop at the store on my way home to pick up a few tests telling myself (and knowing it was a lie) that I wouldn't take one until the next day. It was the day I got home from work and quickly talked myself into taking just one test since Jonathan had to run out to meet a client. It was the day we -- okay maybe just I -- stared in disbelief at that pregnancy test and thanked God for teaching us again that when we stop trying to control everything in our lives, we allow ourselves to completely place our trust in Him. 

We were supposed to go on a run when Jonathan got home so I took the test, placed it on the bathroom counter and started getting changed and when I wandered back to the counter and picked it up, I saw a plus sign, put the test down, walked out of the room the back into the bathroom. I picked it up again, squealed with excitement and started pacing around the house wishing Jonathan were in the other room so I could go stop him from whatever he was doing and make him jump for joy with me when I shared our news. The next 30 minutes or so felt like an eternity waiting for him to get home. I went and sat on the front porch. Then I came back inside and took a picture of the positive test on my phone so I could look at it again and again while I waited on the porch in case I started to question whether or not I saw what I think I saw. When he finally got home, the only sneakiness I could handle was handing him my phone with that picture up asking him to read something for me. It took a minute for it to register and when it did, I saw his eyes light up with the same joy and disbelief that I'd been basking in. 

We were just short of a year since our miscarriage and here we were, pregnant again. You would think with the pain of experiencing a miscarriage, I would have been anxious and worried but instead, I felt such peace and hope because if we've learned anything it's that no amount of worrying or planning or fear is going to change the outcome so why not choose joy?

Getting pregnant is just one of many life adventures that went very differently than I'd imagined it would. We could drive ourselves crazy trying to understand why we miscarried in 2014 or why it took some time for us to get pregnant again, but after all the other times God has shown me His plan all along was grander than anything I envisioned for myself, I trust that it's all part of our bigger plan and I'm thankful for not needing to know the why or how behind it all. In November 2014, I can't tell you how many times I looked to Romans 8:18, "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing to the glory that will be revealed in us" and now more than ever I see just how beautifully true that is. 

27 comments:

  1. :D You are one of the cliches, when you stop trying you'll get pregnant! Haha. I'm glad your previous miscarriage didn't put a shadow on the joy for this pregnancy!

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    1. I know! Haha. And of course so many people were telling me I needed to just "not think about it" or that I shouldn't stress out over it but that is so much easier said than done when you're trying! :)

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