Wednesday, September 11, 2013

it's a new day.

Hi, remember me?

I know it's been pretty quiet around here lately. 

With the wedding less than 4 months away and trying to coordinate the sale of my house, along with moving out of it, the thought of sitting down to blog hasn't been very appealing.

Honestly, I've let it all become too much to handle. My coping skills have gone completely out the window and to make matters worse, Jonathan has been feeling the same way. We are both at our limit right now, that's for sure. He's working 6 days a week and his one day off is typically spent in our wedding prep class, attending some wedding related meeting, making wedding decisions, etc.

Outside of work, my free time has been spent going through my house trying to figure out what to throw away, what I need to put in storage, what I can go ahead and move over to Jonathan's until the wedding, what I am going to bring to my parents' house while I stay with them for the next few months and what to give away. Switching gears from wedding planning, to house packing, to negotiating closing details has just been making my head spin.

We are both keeping things in perspective knowing that all the stress now is for a much greater cause and will be so worth it. We absolutely cannot wait to be married on January 3 and we know that the headache-inducing decisions we are making on what we think are silly things like linens, cups, table sizes, etc., are all going to be so worth the headaches when we are celebrating with our loved ones the day we are married. We know this. We know the sale of my house so quickly is an absolute gift from God. We'll be extra thankful when we come home from our honeymoon and don't have to deal with the stress of selling/renting/moving out of my house. We know this.

That doesn't mean we don't let everything get to us now and again. Our coping skills aren't where they should be because we are just weighed down by everything going on in our lives. There have been so many times lately where I've let a small hiccup get me so upset and worked up. In those moments, it's like I'm watching myself and thinking, "This isn't  you. You're better than this. You don't let things like this get you down. Who are you and what have you done with the optimistic, happy, rainbows and sunshine Amanda you used to be?"

I can recognize that I'm not dealing with things as I should be, that the stress I'm under is making it difficult for me to cope as I normally would. I can also recognize that this doesn't mean I've changed or become someone I didn't want to be. This isn't permanent. I know they'll always be something to stress about and worry is a part of life, but I need to not carry the burden of that stress and worry. I need to have faith and understanding that everything will be okay and my worrying won't make a bit of difference in the outcome.

The good news?  In just a few days, I'll hand over the keys to my house and with it, much of my stress and anxiety will be gone. The stress of being a landlord and friend, the stress of HOA payments, the stress of trying to keep up with the needs of a house I only spend a few days a week at. This will be gone. Sure, you can bet I'll shed a tear over this chapter of my life coming to a close, but that's another post for another day.

I'm really looking forward to the time I'll spend at my parents' house over the next few months, spending the hour or so before bedtime reading or relaxing rather than cleaning out my garage and being able to truly enjoy the final stages of planning our wedding since my focus won't be on my house anymore.

The even better part? This is all leading up to starting the new year marrying the absolute man of my dreams, moving in with him, making his home our home and enjoying life as husband and wife.

What I'm also trying to say here is that I'm back. I want to get back to writing regularly and enjoying it. I'm looking forward to filling you all in on some more wedding details and share everything else I've been up to. I really do love this blog and I'm excited to be able to make this a priority again.

I hope you're all doing well!


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