Thursday, September 19, 2013

A Bittersweet Day

Tuesday was an emotional day.

I took the day off from work to move the rest of my things out of the house and clean in preparation for the closing Wednesday morning. This was the day I'd spent the last few weeks preparing for.

In the weeks leading up to the closing, I was great about getting rid of things, organizing and prepping for the move so I wouldn't have as much work to do when the time came. My weeks of hard work paid off because even though I still spent the entire day cleaning and moving, I know it could've been a lot worse.

I'd worked so hard prepping for the move and preparing myself mentally to say goodbye to my first home. I was so ready to move out, to get one step closer to marrying and moving in with Jonathan.

I felt so much relief over selling the house so fast. I was ready to lock the door one last time and drive away from my first home, a place that holds so many wonderful memories--dance parties, girls nights with my sisters, baking extravaganzas in the kitchen, that time I decided to paint the master bedroom and bathroom by myself (not my best decision), the time my family helped me decorate for Christmas after I got home from a two week hospital stay and so many more memorable moments.

I was prepared to sell my house and let someone else start their story there.

Our last day at the house.

One thing I hadn't prepared for and never could have, was saying goodbye to Blake. It was months ago that we decided Blake would have a new home with my roommate once the time came to move, then the house sold quicker than I ever could have guessed and everything just happened so quickly.

I never could've prepared myself to say goodbye to Blake on Tuesday. He was by my side all day as I cleaned and packed the house. We planned on Natasha (my roommate) picking him up at the end of the day and taking him to her new townhouse and as the day went on, I found it more difficult to prepare for. I couldn't even look at him without crying. Anytime I sat down at the kitchen table to take a break, or to cry, he would jump onto my lap and sit with me for as long as I sat there.

When I finally finished cleaning and the house was empty, I spent the last hour in my home just sitting there holding my sweet puppy. He slept in my lap and opened his eyes to look up at me a few times. Honestly, I think he was just glad I was finally sitting still for a while so he could cuddle. When the time came for me to leave, I lost it. I said goodbye to Blake and cried the whole way to Jonathan's house.

The thing is, I know this is the right thing to do. Natasha is going to take such good care of him and I know he'll be happy. I know Jonathan and I made the right decision to give both our pets a new home. While Blake might miss his momma and I will miss him, we'll both adjust and the best part is that I will still be able to visit him anytime. Unfortunately, none of this makes it any easier to say goodbye.

I've had Blake since he was just a few weeks old. When I first got him, he was so little he just slept in my lap when I took him somewhere with me. As he got older and his right ear started to stand straight up while his left ear flopped down, people always asked about it and told me it was so weird. I just told them it's what makes him special. He's quirky and his biggest flaw is that he is just too excited about life. I know giving him a new home was the right thing to do, but he's still my little boy and it was more difficult than I could have ever imagined to say goodbye to him.

Just a few days after I brought him home.
This might be my favorite of all time.
Thanksgiving 2012.

One thing I've realized is that doing the right thing is sometimes the hardest thing. Making the decision to give both our pets away wasn't an easy one for Jonathan and I. It's easy for people on the outside to judge our decision, but this was the right thing to do for our relationship and our future. It's not something others have to agree with or understand.

I know in my heart that Blake will be more than okay, otherwise I wouldn't have given him to Natasha. I know I will feel better soon. It's difficult to say goodbye and Jonathan will go through the same thing when his cat goes to a new home soon. We're going to help each other through it and as long as we know we did the right thing for our relationship and our future, it will all be okay.

Needless to say, this week has been emotionally exhausting. I've gone from feeling complete sadness over saying goodbye to Blake to feeling absolute relief and joy signing the closing documents for the house the next day. It's been a bit of a roller coaster, to be completely honest. I'm just grateful for my fiance' and my family. These wonderful people in my life have been so supportive this week. They've shared in my joy over the sale of the house and made sure I wasn't alone in my sadness over Blake. Poor Jonathan has basically had a front seat on this emotional roller coaster all week. Thank God for his strength and patience!