Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Everyone has an opinion

Happy Wednesday, everyone!

Today I'm going on a bit of a rant and I hope you don't mind.

When Jonathan and I got engaged just a few weeks ago, I had so many questions for him. How long have you been planning this? When did you get the ring? Oh, is that what you were doing the day you said you had a "work thing?" Did your family know you were about to propose? Who else did you tell?

He filled me in on the details and told me that while his family was fully supportive of his plans, several friends, neighbors, acquaintances he told weren't quite so supportive. He said he stopped telling people after getting comments about how he is too young to settle down, how he hardly knows me, how we are moving too fast, etc. He just didn't want to hear all the negativity and I can't blame him.

From a friend saying we spend too much time together, to a family member saying "Don't you think that's a little fast?" when Jonathan gave me a key to his house, we're used to the criticism. That's life, I guess. People are always going to have an opinion. I'm sure you or your relationship has been criticized a time or two so you know exactly what I'm talking about. We typically brush this kind of stuff off because none of it matters. When it comes to relationships, my thinking is this:

If you aren't in the relationship, you are in no position to criticize it.

Anyway, getting back to our conversation on that most wonderful day, I reminded Jonathan that this is only the beginning of dealing with the opinions of others. If it's not people criticizing our relationship, we'll have people who don't like the food we have at the wedding or people who don't like the music the DJ plays. People will have an opinion on what we put on our wedding registry, what we choose to name our kids, how we discipline our children, the list goes on and on. We decided right then and there that we have to stay true to ourselves and we can't worry about what others think. Just because everyone is entitled to their own opinion doesn't mean we have to let their opinions affect us.


Unfortunately, as I'm wedding planning and making arrangements for us to move in together after the wedding, I'm finding this whole "don't worry about what others think" thing so much easier said than done. 

See, we have some decisions to make as we move into the next phase of our lives together. One of the more controversial decisions we've made is about our pets. Jonathan has a cat and as you all know, I have a dog. We both love our pets. Unfortunately, we haven't had much success in getting our pets to get along. I don't mean they haven't become best buds (I obviously never expected that to happen). I mean they don't even tolerate each other. We have to keep the cat locked in the bedroom while Blake gets the run of the house. If Blake sees the cat, he attacks. We've tried to introduce them on multiple occasions and we've tried a few different approaches. They are no closer to getting along now than they were the very first time we introduced them. Add to that the fact that Blake is really bad with children and you have a really difficult situation. 

While it's easy to say one of us just has to get rid of our pet, this just isn't fair. If I give Blake away and we keep the cat, Jonathan will always feel guilty and I'll always feel a little bitter about it and visa versa. Nobody wins in this situation. The only fair thing is for both of us to find a good home for each of them and start fresh. This breaks my heart, but I know it's the only fair thing to do. I also know that it will save us the stress and frustration of trying to manage both animals who don't get along.  I also can't imagine trying to bring children into our home with Blake being so bad with kids. I'll feel a little better finding Blake a new home with a close friend or family member, so that's what I'm hoping for. As you can tell, it's a tough situation. 

While I don't want people (my family, specifically) to criticize me for giving Blake away, I have to trust they know me well enough to know I don't take this lightly. I'm not a cruel person. I love Blake and the thought of giving him away breaks my heart. This is difficult for me, but I have to do what's right for Jonathan and I. At the end of the day, we have to live with whatever decisions we make. Other people may criticize, but that isn't something we can control, unfortunately.

Needless to say, I know we'll be criticized for this, and many other things throughout our life together. Heck, I'm sure a few of you are even judging me right now based solely on our decision about the pets.The worst part I think (and the reason I am writing this post) is that I am criticizing myself, too. I shouldn't be concerned with what other people think and especially need to stop judging myself. 

At this point I'm kind of just rambling so I'll just stop, but I feel a little better. Thank you for reading. This is why I blog, to sort out my thoughts and get things off my chest. At the end of the day, I'm not perfect, Jonathan isn't perfect...we are both just trying to do what is right for us. End of story. 

38 comments:

  1. Amanda,
    My heart broke for you when I read this! Frankie and I experienced this over and over during the time we were dating (shes how old? She has a kid? Shes divorced?!?!) when we decided to get married after "only" 1 year, and especially when we found out we were pregnant (not even married yet?!?). We lost a lot of "friends" and I honestly think that we would have lost some family members, had they not been family. The worst part is when the people closest to you, the ones who should be supportive and be standing up for yall, are the ones saying hurtful things. There were many nights that Frankie and I just repeated our little mantra "It's us against the world". You have the right attitude, and it is absolutely harder done than said. It will get easier. Remember, the only opinions that matter are yours and Jonathan's. At the end of the day, yall are the only ones at the house. We love you guys and support you all the way! :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. It really stinks when people close to you criticize decisions that you feel are justified. :( Unfortunately, you are right in saying that it will never go away. When the wedding has passed there will be other things. When you have kids, it will get worse. It's a hard lesson to learn, but once you guys are married, you are a wife first! I think it's really bold that you are even willing to find your pets new homes! To me, that proves that your relationship means more than an animal (even if you love it)! Do your thing, girl!

    ReplyDelete