Thursday, July 5, 2012

"I keep forgetting I bitch slapped someone last night"

I hope everyone had a safe and happy 4th of July! Me, I didn't do one 4th of July-related activity, but I had a blast. I'll get into that soon, but first I have to tell you about the most amazing and hilarious thing that occurred the night before. Seriously, if you've been following my blog for a while, I think you are going to love this. You might love it so much you'll want to steal my best friend and make her your best friend. It's that good.

My best friend Taryn is in town for the week. It's been a while since we've been able to spend some quality time together, so to celebrate her visit, I convinced her to come downtown with my roomie and I on Tuesday night. At Independant Bar, one of our stops later in the night, we had the unfortunate luck of seeing Gary. I hadn't seen him since we parted ways in January and I erased every sign of him from my life. I don't mean to be dramatic, but he is really someone I just never wanted to see or talk to ever again.

After seeing him once inside the bar, we decided to leave after finishing our drinks and walked outside the bar to find him standing right there. Ugh. I didn't want to say anything to him or really even make eye contact, but Taryn (who was drunker than I realized) asked if she could slap him. I kind of laughed and said "Hey, you can do whatever you want." I never would have thought she would follow through with it.

Then, the most glorious thing happened. She walked right over to him, leaned over the railing and slapped him across the face. Let me tell you that this isn't typical behavior of her. My best friend Taryn is crazy, but she is more of a quirky and random crazy, not a slapping people in public kind of crazy. I truly think we could have run into any one of my other exes and she would've never done this, but she really, really had it out for Gary after he broke my heart. I think many of my friends/family feel the same way.
I wish I could tell you he was shocked by the public slapping, that he started crying like a little baby, or that he thought the whole thing was funny, but we honestly didn't stick around long enough to find out. After the slap, Taryn jumped for joy across the street to the next bar and I walked with her kind of in shock and kind of completely overjoyed by what had just occurred. She was on a slap high, jumping for joy and telling everyone we crossed paths with what had just happened. I did manage to hear him blabbing about how what he did to me just happened to him. I don't mean to be immature, but I was glad to hear that. Oh, the person you left me for just left you for someone else? That is karma and maybe it will teach you not to treat people like that because it will just come back to you at some point.

I can honestly say that I feel like I handled our break up with class and maturity. After the initial freak out, I picked myself up, cut him out of my life and moved forward. I didn't do any of the crazy ex girlfriend things my friends and I joked about. Will the fact that (1) my best friend just slapped him in public and (2) the fact that I am so happy about it completely diminish the mature way I've handled the break up to this point? It's quite possible. But it's also totally worth it.

Taryn and I spent the entire next day together doing random things (none of which included typical 4th of July activities). We couldn't stop talking about what happened laughing nonstop about how hilarious this was. Throughout the day, whenever we complained about how tired we were, how hungover we were or whenever we just needed to laugh again, we'd say "Life is tough. Just ask Gary." Even last night as we walked out of the movie theatre, Taryn goes, "I keep forgetting I bitch slapped someone last night" and we laughed some more. We're calling it the slap heard round the world.
I spent the whole day laughing with this girl
We definitely wrote this on her hand to document the occasion.
I've never been more proud to call this girl my best friend. She bitch slapped my ex boyfriend in public. If that isn't a best friend then I don't know what is.


  1. Gotta love good best friends! Sounds like a very memorable night!