Sunday, October 9, 2011

A Sad Story

The sun isn’t shining in my world today, literally or figuratively. I woke up this morning and for a split second, it was just another day…like everything that happened yesterday was just a bad dream. It didn’t take long for that moment to pass.

Scott, known to all of you as The Umpire, died early Friday morning.  He wrecked his truck driving home from a night out with his friends. Like several other Thursday nights, he played softball, went to his favorite bar with the guys and then to the country bar we both frequent.

At his favorite bar just a few days after we met
I know that nothing I could’ve done differently or changed about the last few weeks would make a difference, but I can’t help but feel so much regret. The last time we talked, I was sarcastic and rude to him. I've been so mad at him after hearing from several people that he wasn’t a good guy…that I should’ve known better. That was a few weeks ago. Since then, I intended to text him just to let him know there were no hard feelings.

I also knew that it was only a matter of time before he snuck up behind me at the gym and we would talk and he would manage to make me laugh and smile no matter how tough I wanted to come across and everything would be fine. To think that the last time we spoke was weeks ago and it was such a negative, immature conversation is devastating to me.

I’m so mad. I’m mad at him for being so reckless and I’m mad at myself for being mad at him right now. I’m heartbroken for his amazing family and his good friends. I’m trying to figure out how I’m ever going to go to the gym again and not look around for him. With this flood of emotions, I want to make sure I never forget a few things that stood out the most to me in the short time he was in my life...
  • One night just after we met, I met him and his friends at a bar. I was leaving the next day to go out of town for the weekend. At the end of the night, I said goodbye to him at his truck. He wasn’t happy about me leaving for the weekend and I remember him giving me the longest, strongest hug. I told him I’d miss him and he looked up at me with that handsome smile and said, “You’re the one that is leaving. When did I say it was okay for you to leave me for so long?” Now, all I want to do is hug him really hard and say the same words to him.
  • After dating for about a week, him and his friends came downtown with a huge group of us to celebrate my 25th birthday. By the end of the night when I could no longer walk in my heels, he carried me in his arms through downtown Orlando. It’s not that he just carried me, but he had that same big smile on his face that attracted me to him so much. When he finally put me down, he took his own shoes off and made me wear them so my feet didn’t get dirty. I looked so silly, but I was overwhelmed by how cute and sweet that was.
  • Just a few months later, we celebrated his birthday at Cowboys, the country bar we both frequented. I teased him all night about getting him on the dance floor with me. I did this a lot and every now and then I was successful. After dragging him out there for a slow song as the bar was getting ready to close, instead of rushing off after, he kept going! When the Cha Cha Slide came on, I thought for sure he would make a beeline for the door, with about 12 people left in the whole bar, Scott and I got down to that song on the dance floor. This song is definitely not my kinda music and definitely wasn’t his, but it was hilarious to be out there with him dancing like that. I laughed so hard that night.
 
Scott, I want you to know that I care about you. I know no matter what, we would have been friends for a long time. Your smile is infectious and even thinking of it now, I can’t help but smile too. I’m glad I met you. I’m glad to have known you and to have met your family and friends. Please look out for all of us. xoxo

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