Thursday, September 29, 2011

The Best Man

Warning: This post is so long that you might hate me for making you read so much. Let's just say I never bother using the phrase "In a nutshell."

I have to admit that I’ve been keeping this one from you guys. Not on purpose, I swear. It is more that I haven’t known what to say about it and never would’ve expected to have anything to tell you about. I went from having nothing to really say about this situation, to having lots to tell you and having no clue where to begin, so here goes nothing…

Remember in this post, when I  mentioned that my recent trip to Michigan involved a boy? The Best Man is that boy. I met The Best Man at my cousin, Meg’s wedding in Minnesota last May. We met at the reception and had a great time dancing and chatting all night. I had just started seeing The Umpire and I wasn’t really on the prowl that weekend, so when a bridesmaid came up to me and told me “The Best Man is pretty much in love with you,” I was a little taken by surprise. To my further amazement, apparently he still had strong feelings for me even after I ended the night by telling him I had to puke and running away, all after giving him my phone number so we could keep in touch. I had a good buzz going most of the reception and I guess I didn’t realize how much I had had to drink. True to form, I went from fun-loving girl at the party to hot mess status in the blink of an eye. I was obviously completely embarrassed for ending the fun night that way and didn’t really think much of the whole Best Man situation. Yes, I had fun with him. I thought he was really sweet and nice. He also lives in Minnesota and we hardly knew each other, so yeah I didn’t think too much more about it.

To my surprise, he texted me after my trip, which was soon followed by a Facebook friend request. I figured there was no harm in keeping in touch, so we would chat via text every now and again…nothing ever too in depth. Next thing I know, he is telling me he wants to come to Florida and hang out for a few days…that I made a big impression on him at the wedding and he would really like to see me again. I can’t quite describe my confusion. Aside from the fact that we danced a little and hung out at the wedding, I also ended our fun night by telling him I had to puke. Yet, I somehow made an impression on this person…so much that he wants to travel all this way to see me again. Huh? As I was still dating The Umpire at the time, I obviously told him I didn’t think that was the best idea, not to mention that I didn’t know how I felt about spending a few days with someone I hardly knew. What if we had nothing to say to each other? It was a little too much at the time.

Fast forward to a few months later. I’m single, again. We were still keeping in touch and getting to know each other. Another opportunity comes up for him to take a trip to Florida. I turn him down again. I can’t quite put into words the amount of pressure I felt about someone paying hundreds of dollars to come visit me for a whole weekend. I just didn’t feel comfortable with it. I told him that is probably isn’t a good idea, but that maybe we could start talking on the phone and really making an effort to get to know each other. This way, if the opportunity for a visit came up again, I would feel more comfortable with it. So we started talking on the phone and learning more about each other. I liked what I knew about him so far and enjoyed chatting with him.

In the meantime, Meg’s birthday was coming up. Her and her husband live in Michigan, about 11 hours away from The Best Man. We both got an invitation to her birthday celebration. I obviously had to decline because I couldn’t really afford the trip up there and he had mentioned that he didn’t think he’d be able to go because of work.

THEN ONE DAY….a week before the birthday celebration….

The Best Man tells me that his work schedule changed and he thinks he can now take the trip to Michigan for the weekend and how awesome it would be if I could go too. That we can surprise my cousin, have a really fun weekend and get to hang out again. I obviously thought the idea was awesome, I mean seeing Meg would be absolutely delightful…but once again had to decline because I couldn’t afford it. Next thing I know he is telling me that he would do whatever it takes to get me up there (aka buy my ticket). I wanted to accept this offer so badly because I knew it would be a blast. I haven’t had much of a chance to get to know my cousin’s husband, I’ve never been to Michigan, a weekend away would be fun…there were a lot of positives.

Unfortunately, all I could think about was how much pressure this puts on the situation. My worst fear was that The Best Man would pay for me to get up there, and we wouldn’t hit it off, or I wouldn’t like him, or he wouldn’t like me…and he would be disappointed. After going back and forth all day about this, I voiced my concerns to him and he settled them telling me that worst-case scenario, we have fun weekend where he gets to see his friends and I get to see my cousin. I threw caution to the wind and decided to go for it. You guys already know I can be impulsive and that my mental stability is questionable, at best. I also need to point out to those of you who don't know me in real life, that I don't take someone buying me a plane ticket lightly. I am overwhelmed and could never put into words how appreciative I am. I even tried to put it into words on the phone with him and I think I just rambled on for five minutes and didn't make any sense. I hope he still got the point. Moving on...

Aside from me being completely overwhelmed by the whole scenario, I was SO EXCITED to surprise Meg and I knew the weekend would be a blast. I was right. The weekend was super fun. Did The Best Man and I have a magical weekend and fall madly in love? No. But that isn’t what I had in mind anyway. I truly wanted a fun weekend away where we could get to know each other a little better. In a perfect world, maybe we would have fallen madly in love that weekend and things would fall perfectly into place and we would live happily ever after.

Unfortunately, life isn’t perfect. Don’t get me wrong. I do like The Best Man. What I don’t know is if those feelings are friendship feelings or more-than-friendship feelings. I don’t think I should be expected to know that right now, though. I mean, we’ve basically been on two (somewhat unconventional) dates.  After two dates, do you know that you have strong feelings for someone? Do you know that you want to start a relationship with that person? Probably not…and that is usually when the person lives where you do! Not to mention the fact that even if we did totally hit it off and want to be together, how on earth would we proceed with this situation?? The whole thing is a little overwhelming to me, to be completely honest. In other words, I don’t know how I feel. I do know that I am incapable of expressing how much it means to me to have someone be so up front with me about their feelings, to make bold, romantic gestures like that.

The challenging part about this whole thing is that even though I don’t quite understand why, I think his feelings are pretty strong. I’d like to keep doing what we’ve been doing…keeping in touch and getting to know each other, but I can’t promise that any of that will progress to a relationship or me returning those strong feelings. I told him we need to keep living life…that neither one of us should miss out on other dating or relationship situations because we are holding on to hope that this weird scenario goes somewhere. I guess all I can do is be completely up front about everything I’m thinking so we stay on the same page and no one gets their feelings hurt.

I hope some of that made sense. Like I said, I know I am totally springing this on you…but seriously…how was I to know there would ever be any more to say about him than the fact that we met at a wedding, danced a little bit and then, not surprisingly, I puked?

Moral of the story: Life is so ridiculously weird sometimes.