Sunday, August 7, 2011

California Girl

My trip to California was everything I hoped it would be. I had a great time with my coworkers, met a lot of great people, worked really hard but had a lot of fun, too.  We even came back with a handful of new clients and I found that clarity I needed when it comes to The Umpire. Where do I start? I think I’ll break this up into sections because there is just too much to cover!

Highlights of my Trip 
My boss took us to Disneyland for the day before the convention started and even treated us to lunch at Club 33! Walking around Disneyland in July is by far much more enjoyable than Disney World this time of year. The sun is shining, it is beautiful, but California doesn’t have the Florida humidity that makes you feel like you might pass out.

Sparkly Minnie ears were a must!
Riding the train
While at the convention, my boss paid for us to get professional headshots taken for our website and marketing materials, which meant getting our makeup and hair professionally done, resulting in everyone calling me Elle Woods/PR Barbie for the rest of the convention. Either way, I can’t wait to see how the photos came out!

If any of you watched Jake’s season of The Bachelor on ABC, you might remember Michelle. She was the one who had the painfully awkward kiss with Jake and was rarely shown on camera not crying. This is so random, but I met her! She was serving drinks at the hotel bar and I immediately recognized her. It took me a minute to figure out who she was and afraid that she might go crazy on me, I finally said “Please don’t get upset with me, but were you on The Bachelor?” She was actually really nice about and I even got a picture with her so I could show my girlfriends back at home. Too funny!
Michelle from The Bachelor
The Umpire: A Tough Call
I set off to California hoping that some distance would help me decide if I wanted to end things with The Umpire. I haven’t gone too much in detail about things, but I haven’t been completely satisfied with how things were with us lately. I feel like things started off really great and maybe we moved too fast, because all of the things I really liked about him at first either changed or started to become an issue for me. When we first started seeing each other, it was like he couldn’t get enough of me. He would invite me out with his friends all the time and while I told him I didn’t want to intrude on boy’s night, he would also comfort me saying he wanted me there and we’d always have a blast. He was really sweet and thoughtful and went out of his way for me. We made equal effort. It seemed like the moment I let me guard down and started opening up to him, all that behavior stopped. I understand that there comes a point in most relationships where that initial excitement fades and maybe my expectations are too high, but I need more…especially when we are only a few months in. When I first met The Umpire, I really loved how fun he was. He liked to be social and go out like I did. We could go out together with a group and have a blast. I recently started to realize that he took that a little too far. I don’t want to sound like a hypocrite because I often go out on weeknights and stay out a little too late, but I feel like going out with your guy friends to the same bar, three nights in a row is a bit much when you are 28-years-old. I don’t know if these things bothered me because I really care about him or because I am subconsciously sabotaging things, but either way it isn’t good. There are things I really like…I love his family, I have fun with him, he is successful and hard working.

The moment of clarity I was looking for came on Saturday. I had been in California for three days and Saturday was the first official day of the convention. I was already in a funk because he hadn’t been in touch with me very much and didn’t seem to be bothered at all by the fact that I was away. I spent 8 hours on my feet working our booth at the convention and I was exhausted. When I looked at my phone realized I hadn’t heard from him all day, I simply texted, “I’m exhausted.” His response? “OK.” OK? Really? I wasn’t looking for a pity party, but a little bit of positivity or consideration would’ve gone a long way. One of the biggest things I try to bring to a relationship is emotional balance. When my friend, my sister, my significant other or my coworker is feeling down, tired or sad, I try to balance that out with positivity, support, enthusiasm….whatever I think will help. I kind of expect the person I am with to be that person for me. I know it probably sounds like I am being dramatic, but his response really bothered me. While it isn’t the single reason I decided to end things, it gave me that “moment” I needed to finally make up my mind. There are so many things I like about him and has a lot of what I need in a relationship…a good family, a good job, a good social life and so much more. But I need emotional support too, and I think that is where we are lacking.

While I made the decision during my trip, I really wanted to have a face-to-face conversation with him and explain where I am coming from. We live in the same area, go to the same gym…we have kickball coming up. I want to be able to end things on a good note. Anyway, I am home now and have yet to have a face-to-face conversation with The Umpire. When I told him we needed to talk, he said he was “going out with the guys and could we do it tomorrow?” That solidified my decision, but our schedules haven’t lined up for me to officially break things off with him. I hope this is the right decision, but that’s the thing about decisions…you don’t always know if they are the right one until it might be too late. You can only act based on what you feel and right now, I just don’t feel like this is right.

 


2 comments:

  1. sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do. every decision and action has a consequence, as long as you are prepared and forthright about stuff - it's all probably one could ask. i could be wrong, but i've always been the one not to make a big deal about things. it's life, it's for us to live it. those who judge need to get over it.

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